A year has passed....

She has left us for a year now but deeply inside me I still feel sad and misses her so much. Looking back into the year, things did change. If you ask me if did it change for a better one, honestly I really do not know. I still miss the old days when she is around nagging and scolding us. Now, the house seems quiet after both my sisters got married and moved out. It became silence when my brother went further his studies in Australia.

Ok ok, agree that both my kids isn't the quiet kind of kids. Wanted to thank my mother in law for staying over at my house to look and care for them. Or else Tracy and I will be stressed like hell. Anyway, the kids growing fast and quite a quick learner. They still yell and scream all over the house but there were times before they go to bed, they will say....

"Daddy, Mommy... I misses MaMa (grandma) very much"

"Is Mama looking over us all the time?"

Though my eyes are dry but deep inside my heart, I'm still crying and hurt. Is she really looking over us? If yes, will she be sad too when she sees me sad thinking of her?....... life is really hard but I got to hang on and hang strong for the kids and family.... I hope I could do it.

To my mommy

It's been sometime I have not write anything on my blog. So this time decided to write a letter to my mum before the year 2010 ends.


To my Mommy,

I love you because you tauaght us respect,
I love you because you did not ever neglect,
I love you because you allowed us to be children,
I love you because you are the best cook,
I love you because you disciplined with love,
I love you because even when I failed you never gave up,
I love you because you make us smile,
I love you because you love us unconditionally,
I love you because you believed in me,
I love you because you care for us,
I love you because you never placed any conditions on me,

I love you for so many other reasons but I love you most simply because you are only you! Not only on special day that I will remember you but I will love and miss you forever and always!

Tribute to my mother

My mother was brought back to our home and the whole family members of mine were there to be her before she had her last breath. She has lost to the fatal desease after a two week battle. We are really heart broken and sad. She is really a great mother to us. She always puts our family on the 1st place. Never seems tired nor complain. Her smiles were warmth and her laughs were kind. She has taught us much and her teaching will always be remembered. Oscar and Oswald will sure miss her as she loves my kids very much. We all will miss her. Though her days were'nt long but I believe she have had the best days together with the family.

Mommy... you are the best mommy one could ever have and I thank you for what you have done for the family. Things might not be the same now after you left us but we are now grown ups and will take good care of our father and family. We will continue to spread the love and warmth like you do to our family. Mommy... you will always be in our heart.

WE WILL MISS YOU & WE LOVE YOU FOREVER ........

p/s: I would like to thank all those who had gave support and paid their respect to my mother. Our family really appreciate it and I think so is my mother.

Depressing...

Today is already the 14th day my mom been in the hospital. I’ve been here every day since from 9am to 8pm each day to see if there's any progress. She is still in the ICU and her status being monitored closely. Each day passes by and my mom’s condition is getting worst. All medication given to her to fight the disease seems to be not helping much. Doctors say the cancer cells are too aggressive and spreading fast. These deadly cells infect one organ to another. Before the doctors could solve an infected area another one just popped up. Now her blood counts are low and seem to have internal bleeding at times. Blood transfusion is given to stabilize her. When I see her during the visiting time, she is getting weaker and weaker. It is really depressing but I need to carry a smile whenever I see her.

I ask the doctors to do their best in getting her comfortable during her stay and I think that is the least we could do. Hope seems to be fading away as more negative issues were mentioned than good. My family members are now trying to accompany her as much as we could. Chat to her, smile to her and at times joke in front of her. What else can we do………………..

Relief cut short

It should be a better day for my mom and family as her condition is stable. All doctors say she could be transfer from ICU to the normal ward. That was good news to us. It was almost 6pm when she was transferred to a single room. We all get to see her all day instead of the 2 hours earlier on. Mom looks better and we all praise her that she did well to recover. We chatted with mom happily together. But then later, we turn sorrow again. It all started when my mom wanted to piss. The nurse found that there was blood in the urine. Doctors were called and urine sample was test. Results show there were signs of blood clotting which needed to be cleared. To be on the safe side, mom has to be transferred back to ICU for monitoring. It was then 11.30pm. Within 4 hours she is back into that scary ICU again.

My sis and I are now outside the waiting area waiting for the condition of my mom. The waiting is real scary and seems forever…….

Worst days of my life

For the past week has really been shocking and heartbroken for me and my family. Everything happens so quickly and now it changes everything. I’m now in the hospital because my mom has been diagnosed with gastric cancer and to make things worst it is already at stage 4. We are in great shock once we were told. My mom has no symptoms at all and she has body check up every year and all the results show my mom is in good condition. It is already the 9th day she’s been admitted. At 1st she was admitted to a hospital in Cheras but then on the 4th day she was transferred to another hospital in Bangsar which has better in expertise and equipments. Each day passes and the whole family members took turns to look after her in the ward. She is getting weaker each day. But then during the night of the 6th day, my mom has breathing difficulties and now she is in Intensive Care Unit. The cancer cells are just too aggressive as it spread to other organs very fast. These cells have now infected my mom’s liver and lungs. Then it affected the kidneys too. Everything just went from bad to worst. We could only see her during the 2 hours of visiting time each day. 2 hours in the noon and another 2 hours in the night. As the rest of the time we’re just outside the waiting area hoping that nothing bad would happen.

Now she is in stable condition but doctor say things weren’t on the bright side. Chemotherapy has been given to her hoping that it will slow down the spread. What I could do now is just sit outside the ICU waiting area and pray hard hoping things will get better. My mom has been such great person to family, friends and work. She eats healthy and lives healthy. She don’t drinks nor smoke. Why does she have to go through all this? It is just not right! My whole family tears drops when we see her getting weaker each day. Even now the tears just kept dropping down while I’m writing this. My dad has caught himself a flu now after so many days of heartache. The kids try the best to ask him to rest while we take care of mom. Dad asks us to take care of ourselves too but it is nothing compared to what my mom is going through now. Just imagine a close person lying on the bed with multiple tubes going through her. She could not drink and eat much. Through her eyes we know she is suffering and it make us very sad. Sleeping isn’t easy for her neither it is for us.

Phones have been ringing for the whole week and I would like to say sorry to those that I did not pick up. It has really been a tough week but we are not giving up hope. Please do not come to the hospital to visit her. We do not want others to disturb and affect her. If you want to help please do pray for my mom to get well and bless her to live more better days ahead. Please…….

Thomas Cup - Malaysia lost to China

I was rather disappointed with our national players during their semi final clashes with China in the recent Thomas Cup tournament. World no. 1 Lee Chong Wei lost again to his nemesis Lin Dan. They have met each other for a total of 21 times and Lin Dan won 15 times. World no. 1 doubles player Koo Kien Keat and Tan Boon Heong also lost to China Fu Hai Feng and Cai Yun. China players seems too strong in attacking and solid in defence. Then all hope lies on veteran Wong Choong Han who then as expected lost to Chen Jin of China.

All three matches Malaysia lost in straight games. To me it is expected that Malaysia will lose but I did not expect them to lose so poorly. All three matches China won in straight games. We might have world no.1 players but yet China has the best players in the world. What does World No. 1 ranking means?

Score:
Lin Dan beat Lee Chong Wei (21-17, 21-8)

Cai Yun-Fu Hai Feng beat Koo Kien Keat-Tan Boon Heong (21-15, 21-10)

Chen Jin beat Wong Choong Han (21-16, 21-7)

Well, it is 18 years back since Malaysia lifted the Thomas Cup in 1992. Maybe I should now train my kids and bring back the cup... hahahaha.... or maybe football.